I woke up this morning with a memory that dated from 2008. Once, with my cousin, I went to visit his female friend. At least, I thought she was. Until I met him halfway before seeing her. She was his crush, I would say. We were walking on a Saturday afternoon, during the summer holiday. We finally reach her place. It was more like a big house, and we were sitting on the veranda when she pop out of some curtained door.
The conversation was more like a one way small talk. I mean, my cousin was asking questions that would find themselves lost in the whispered answer of the girl. She was busy on her phone, not a smartphone (we are in 2008, come on). She didn’t even look at him. I was wondering why my cousin was enduring this. Why doesn’t just spare himself the boredom and go?
We finally got out after a tortured hour of Q&A. I decided to ask him why he continuously asked her question even if she showed no enthusiasm in answering him, He just looked at me and said “it is a game, where the girl, in the beginning, doesn’t pay attention, and when the time will come, it is going to be payback” then he smiled.
It is where I started to ask myself if it is like that when you're dating girls. I have watched movies, and shows. My dating-literacy was based on US shows. The remake of 90210 was a walking teenage drama, I remember telling to myself that I hope It will never happen to me. Gossip Girl, was basically a walk of fame in manipulation, fake news, and the final clash of rich kids Vs Poor Kids. We were in the 2008 I was 19 and single. Now we are in 2023 I’m 33 and married.
What did I learn from 2008 to now ? I see the question coming. It is a funny question to answer, considering the fact that I was (or still) a shy boy. Just imagine the archetype of the teenager listening to rock music and walking alone…. No, that was not me (I’m just messing). I was an ambivert. Sometimes I was an introvert and some other times I was a total extrovert. This, influenced my interpersonal skills and the way people perceive me. I realized along, I cannot force the vibe with people around me. If there is no feeling, you don’t force it.
We are made of energy and frequencies. We vibrate at different frequencies. Sometimes when your frequency is not compatible with someone else frequency’s ; this is how you find yourself not even motivated to socialize with that person. Further, everything about that person makes you upset. On the contrary, when you feel on the same frequency with someone ; that what we have commonly known as “vibing together” because you vibrate on the same frequency and as Albert Einstein says.
The other things that I learned is that, to let your intention be known. And consent to be heard. Do not accept to waste your time or waste the other one’s time. It is important to be on the same page because “Giving friendship when Love is expected is to give bread to a thirsty person”. If you feel like dating, make it clear. Your intention have to be known.
As people, we are different and unique. That is why we need to accept others with their difference and they way they are. If we cannot ; we should not force ourselves or the other to accept what we cannot. No one is a social worker from a Hollywood movie that is going to miraculously change someone’s personality. Back to reality, no one have to be a copy of you. On the contrary, accept how people are the way they are.
In conclusion, If you don’t vibe with someone ; do not force it. When you meet someone, it is important for you both to be on the same page. Difference should be accepted and not meet with the intention of turning into conformity.
Just be like a Bruno Mars song.
